I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
