omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
