just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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