i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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