I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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