How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
