Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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