I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
