Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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