Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
