well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
