I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Then you guys just all showered together...?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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