I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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