hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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