I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
