I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
