there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
