Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
