hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
