you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
