If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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