You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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