Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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