I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
