Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
