Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
