all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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