I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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