we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
