i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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