um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
