I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
