he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
