So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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