is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
