My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
