You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
