Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
