i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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