Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
