Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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