Sponge bath it is.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
