is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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