I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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