The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
