just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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