go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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