He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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