the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
