Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
