Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
