If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This baby is an asshole
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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