Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
