I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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